After replacing my Acrylic wig with a ]{|}~ Orange I said ... stick it where stick it where '' A cucumber? ""--(tm) alright กขฃคฅฆง(c)ชซฌญ(r)ฏฑฒณด. I did it! I hacked into the Businessman Report! My name is General E Bad, and I am an evil man. I recently ran into the Businessman (with a bulldozer) and after abducting him, ตถทธน him to a chair and slicing his ear off with a razor, I had a talk with him and he told me his life story. He was born in the town of Royston, isolated with a population of twelve. His mother (who was his Cousin and Aunt) and Father (บป1/41/2 also Grandfather) tried to bury his deformed and Grotesque body but found he was still alive, so tried to drown him instead After many failed attempts they 3/4ฟÀÁÂÃÄÈ gave up and sent him to boarding school, where NASA trained him for two years before they realised he wasn't a chimp. After school he ran off with a Kiwi fruit claiming it was the only thing the understood his needs, he led the life of an unbearably disgusting Hermit for 57 years until returning with an Insane mind full of ridiculous ideas and a computer which someone gave him and the Goblins email address. Eventually after pestering him, his column was tested on V1 of the Webster and as a monthly piece on V2. So that is his live story, I eventually released him and tried to contact his family but the zoo was closed. I began a study of the Businessman; he lives in France among his own kind where the smell of Garlic masks the ÉÊË hideous smell of his unwashed person. He wears only Loincloth and some sort of rodent balanced on his baldhead. He also has the word idiot spray painted on his back (Thanks to General E Good) and no neck but several chins. I tried to encase him in concrete, but his breath ÌÍÎÏÐ vaporized the concrete before it set. His tiny, weak mind is clawing at reality like a one armed man, with itching powder down his pants, hanging on a cliff edge. I found startling evidence that while he was young Sicko, while eating a cake was exposed to radiation causing the two to merge forming "Cake Boy" who must Constantly eat Chocolate Cake in order to look like a primitive human, not a mutant, but regularly fails at doing this. The Sicko was once arrested for attempted murder after singing in public, but escaped after being released. He also took flying lessons after I threw him from a window, he was found 8 Months later hanging from a satalight dish. Anyway have to go, evil doesn't make itself, so until I get agent Z (available to hack at a good rate) to hack in again, remember to quiver in fear at the mention of my name. ÑÒÓÔÖÕØืÚÙÛÚÝßÜáâãäåæçèéêëìíîïðñòóôõö๗øùúûüýþÿÏ+K:hÓR=FÀx2ฌß<1]"Sausages!" I shouted at the Policeman and ran hiding behind a lamppost, the disguise somehow failed. What a weekend, shame I was arrested. I LOVE BABYLON 5 I only act otherwise to anoy the General who is really very nice and who has my Credit Card number (2759219997260628) Is that a turnip? I must investigate ... "EXPLOSIION" Oh sh%&.
If you would like to contact me write to me (I an moving so a will get the only live relative who will still talk to me to forward it) at: The Businessman c/o or email me at
business_man@usa.net
AND TO RESPOND TO
BUSINESSMAN REPORT: After reading the Businessman's (Know to Japanese as "Sodzilla") sad life story, I reflected on my own interesting life: I was born on a B-52 bomber, which was on fire and about to crash on a pacific island. I was raised by natives of island this until after 17 years. I found a bloody city just over Valley crest. I joined Earth Force officer training Corp in 2230, was first officer aboard the cruiser "Dark Star" and fought through the Dilgar War. After wiping out their entire Civilization I got my own ship "Death Walker" and promotion to Captain. My First mission was burning a planet overgrown with Marijuana. 7 years latter when my senses returned I started yet another war (Caus I got a bit bored in between meals). I fought in the Minibari War until my ship was crippled during the final battle, the line. When I recovered I was promoted to General and put in Charge of Mars Colony, which then had a revolution. When I recoved from that I was posted to Earth in weapons development and created a time machine, my first trip bringing me back to the great year of 1998, where I met the Goblin and unfortunately the Businessman. When I recovered from meeting the Businessman (I had to be put in stasis to do this as it took 100 years) I vowed to fight him and prevent his Idiocy influencing others, My assistant General E Bad was caught in a closed room, with the Businessman and decided evil and an eternity in hell (which is easier then an eternity with the Businessman) and went mad. So in my time, the year 2259, I am able to Call on the assistance of the whole Galaxy and through a time-e-mail to the Goblin to remove the Businessman by attacking his ideas (and occasionally nuking his things). Unfortunately his is not moving, in fact he is as likely to move as a Frenchman living next door to a Brothel. Anyway I have his credit card number & some bombs disguised as vegetables, only a fool would fall for them. I must now ask General E Bad (real name Al Bester) to annoy the Sicko. In need allies so feel free to contact me but for now I must leave, nuclear bombs do not "disappear" themselves. E-mail me at generalegood@usa.net FastCounter by LinkExchange
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