Whale Street returns with a special video, unlike those other rubbish far-fetched soap videos mine will be realistic, dramatic, traumatic and plastic. You'll be able to get your hands on one at any moderately disreputable retailer or by sending a cheque for £10.00 ($100, 1000 Euros or 10,000F) to Goblin Productions HQ Whale Street Video; Return of Mr. Kipling's evil twin. The Shed in Michael Caine's garden. Stella Street UK Meanwhile to give you an appetite I'll show you the script to the latest episode of Whale Street. Completely fantastic and original. ACT ONE: SCENE 1
(Mr. Kipling's shop.) Old Man:- Youngsters today! Smoking drinking and talking dirty it's disgusting! Mr. Kipling:- Er...yes? What do you want? Old Man:- Er...some Cuban cigars, litre of meths, a bottle of bleach and be quick about it you £*&%!! Mr. Kipling:- Alright there's need for that kind of language! Old Man:- Oh and my Swedish magazine please. Mr. Kipling:- Volvo Monthly, yes? (Galloway Enters) Mr. Kipling:- Oh no! Here come Galloway that loony, he's joined a cult! Galloway:- Shalom, I bless you all with the power of Toidi God sheep, all-powerful ruler of the afterlife-Skcollob. I pity you all for your evil ways. Mr. Kipling:- would you like to donate some money to poor Ethiopian lepers, starving poor, lonely and orphans this Christmas, when the plague takes hold. Galloway:- No! Anyway I've come to tell you I am going to have to leave. Mr. Kipling:- Alright then. Galloway:- don’t try and stop me! I'm going to have a lamb with Flossie my leader. Mr. Kipling:- Okay then bye. (SMASH! Orville the duck, crashes in with a KF7-Soviet and fills Galloway full of lead). Orville:- That’s for pushing your wife down the stairs whom I was going to elope with! Mr. Kipling:- You vicious swine I've just cleaned that floor! Galloway:- Do not fear I am off to a better place, where there are sheep, wooly jumpers and Welshmen around every corner. Mr. Kipling:- What Wales? Galloway:- Here I go, who's that bloke with the pitchfork? Mr. Kipling:- Neil Kinnock? Galloway:- Anyway I have to tell you a deep secret ... (BIG DRAMATIC TITLE MUSIC ENDS SHOW)
Yes to find out the secret you'll have to wait for the next episode. Meanwhile write to me at: 4 Marcello Street Fake Madrid Spain (Where I'm being extradited) Or email me at: business_man@usa.net
PS: I haven't insulted the General yet so; General Edith Good is so stupid he could join a boy band, he is so thick builders sometimes mistake him for cement and try and get him on a trowel and plaster him on the walls, which is ironic as he is as boring as watching plaster set.
Word of the month; Repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, repetition, ..., repetition,
AND TO RESPOND TO NOVEMBERS SECOND BUSINESSMANS IDEA: My agents inform me of the latest offering from Sicko (Known to Native Americans as "Chair Killer"). It appears he is using Whale Street again so I must devise an appropriate ending.
Scene 1. Captain Sheridan`s Office
Sheridan: - So we nuked Whale street.
Ivanova: - A deeply satisfying explosion.
(Enter Garibaldi)
Garibaldi: - Bad news Captain, the Nuke missed Whale street and hit its pre-programmed target of Paris.
Ivanova: - We Missed!
Sheridan: - Hey, at least we got Paris.
Ivanova: - Not all bad news then.
Garibaldi: - Looks like we will have to go and finish this personally.
Ivanova: - Good, I'll fetch my Toy box.
Sheridan: - Be Afraid, Be very Afraid.
Garibaldi: - We'll just have to stand behind her.
Scene 2. Kiplings Shop
Galloway: - Must get to Hospital.
(Door explodes inward throwing Galloway across room.) (Enters Garibaldi)
Garibaldi: - Ivanova, you could have just knocked.
Ivanova: - Just do your job and let me have a little fun.
Garibaldi; - Everyone in this shop is ...
(Garibaldi attacked by Orville, begins life or death struggle)
Sheridan: - Is he going to be alright.
Ivanova: - Course he is, he is fighting a small fluffy Green Duck.
(from Garibaldi, muffled shouts of `help`.
Sheridan: - Weird place.
Ivanova: - Its time Kipling meets my favourite ... (lifting axe) ... toy. Ivanova enters shop through shattered wall.
Galloway: - Help me, (Grabbing Ivanovas leg) hey woman fetches me some cheesy puffs.
Ivanova: - Get off me, you freak! (Hacks off Galloway’s hand with axe) So Kipling, I want a happy meal, and don't forget the toy ... or else!
Kipling: - But I don't sell food.
Ivanova: - Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you.
Kipling: - Well I ... Ivanova: - Too late (Kills Kipling)
(Exits the Troops) (Outside Shop)
Ivanova: - Mission Accomplished.
Sheridan: - Great, but where is Mr Garibaldi.
(Garibaldi comes running out of shop, which explodes behind him)
Sheridan: - You have something on your leg Ivanova.
Ivanova: - Oh Yeah (Brushes off Galloway's severed hand)
Sheridan: - All right, lets toast this place (Presses detonator)
(Every house begins exploding in Series)
Sheridan: - I could do this everyday.
Ivanova: - You do!
Garibaldi: - Does anyone else think standing in this street is a bad idea?
Ivanova: - Ah hell.
Sheridan: - Run! Run like Thomas Burrows is about to speak to you!
Spectacular explosion and escape scene.
SCENE 3
Sheridan: - A job well done, Whale street is Never to Return.
Ivanova: - Hey Garibaldi, what happened to that duck Orville?
Garibaldi: - He got away ...
(Back in the Ruins of Whale Street)
Orville: - So Galloway, tell me about this cult.
(Galloway begins replacing body parts with Darth Vader style Mechanical gear)
Galloway: - Billions of years ago evil stalked the Galaxy ...
TO BE CONTIUED
So Whale Street is no more, but a far more exciting spin of is possible and I, General EDWARD Good, created it. So to you sick Businessman with the intelligence of a dead shrimp, the missing link between apes and cake, the man who makes whole cities tremble with fear every time a twisted thought forms in his demented mind, everyone brings something to life and I think your contribution should be silence from this day on. The sad, leftwing, Megalith of moronic ideas is doomed to failure just you wait and see! Feel free to contact me at: generalegood@usa.net FastCounter by LinkExchange
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