This month I bring forth another episode of Whale Street as I couldn't think of anything else, and Naylor was putting on the pressure either I wrote something soon or I wouldn't have to wait for my next life to be disabled! With his words (expletives) still ringing in my ears I now write the latest edition of the astounding, wonderful production and following which is Whale Street. Which beats all other soaps hands down.

Previous episodes have include nuclear explosions, people being shot up by hard-core space marines and big furry green ducks.

Act One: The Psycho and his Mother (name of pub)

Fred Bates (landlord): - 30 pints?

Mr. Kipling: - Yes I'm sure.

Fred Bates: - I don't believe it!

Mr. Kipling: - Yes! That is how much blood Galloway needed after being shot up by them off Babylon 5, and Orville the Duck.

Fred Bates: - Where did they get it all from?

Mr. Kipling: - Most of it was swept up from my shop floor.

Fred Bates: - Isn't that unhygienic?

Mr. Kipling: - No they mixed some Domestos in with it, so it'll be clean all right!

(FARMER OFFAL ENTERS WITH SHOTGUN)

Farmer Offal: - Fred Zsa Zsa Bates, are you having an affair with my wife?

Fred Bates: - No, were having a baby!

Farmer Offal: - Oh right then bye.

Mr. Kipling: - You're not going out with her Fred, she's a dog.

Fred Bates: - She isn't much of a looker but she has nice hair.

Mr. Kipling: - No I literally mean she is a dog, your child will be the son of a...

Fred Bates: - OH MY GOD!

(EMPERORJORDAN OF BATLY ENTERS)

Jordan: - Help there's a big U.F.O after me, it has a strange symbol on it! Look!

Mr. Kipling: - That would be a 5!

Jordan: - What am I going to do!

Farmer Offal: - Leave this to me!

(FARMER OFFAL RUNS OUTSIDE WITH BROKEN BOTTLE)

(5 minutes later...)

(FARMER OFFAL RETURNS CLOTHES COVERED IN BLOOD)

Mr. Kipling: - You killed them all with just a broken bottle!

Farmer Offal: - No I tripped up over a sheep in the car park and cut myself.

Mr. Kipling: - You really are dopey Samuel!

Farmer Offal: - As of the position of my cut I think you should call me Samantha from now on. Oh by the way they've abducted the sheep I wonder what weird experiments they will do...

I'm sure you'll agree there are no words, which can express the quality of that episode, but if there are write to me at Lou's secret casino.

Ramsey Street

Erinsborough

Australia

AND TO RESPOND TO MARCH 1999 BUSINESSMAN REPORT:
GENERAL E. GOOD - OUR CHIEF CRITIC


From: General E Good, Earth Force Command

After reviewing the Sick Businessman's (Know to Mountain man a the "abominable Showman") latest whale street I must end it with my regular cast

Ivanova: - He's back!

Sheridan: - Who?

Ivanova: - Kipling that’s who!

Garibaldi: - I thought I killed him?

Ivanova: - They must have grafted his head to another body.

Garibaldi: - By the way Galloway stole a shuttle and went to the last surviving place in whale street, a pub.

Sheridan: - All right we should go, but we must investigate what Galloway is doing so we should disguise ourselves.

Sheridan: - A double whiskey Pilgrim!

Freb Bates: - Sure thing stranger

(enters Garibaldi in a Banana costume)

Sheridan: - What in Valens name is that?

Garibaldi: - You didn't say what disguise, it's all I could find how do I sit in this damn thing?

Sheridan: - Where is Ivanova?

(doors are broken down, enters Ivanova as Grim Reaper with scythe)

Kipling: - I knew it!

(Kipling runs for door but Ivanova's scythe cuts his legs off)

Garibaldi: - You are sick in the head my friend.

Ivanova: - so speaks the Bananaman

Sheridan: - (in a terrible John Wayne impression) so barman had any Strangers in here acting weird?

(barman looks at cowboy, giant Banana and Death sat at his bar)

Bates: - No, but you could try the old farm

(Sheridan and Ivanova enter farmyard in full combat gear)

Sheridan: - Where's Garibaldi?

Ivanova: - stuck in a fruit shop, he couldn't get out of his suit and won first prize in a competition.

(Flood Lights come on)

Galloway: - So we meet again!

Ivanova: - what are you Gonna do?

Galloway: - You'll See.

(In Farm House)

Galloway: - (Stroking Sheep) I have begun to genetically engineer an army of giant killer sheep! The world will be mine and you will be in Brussels!

Sheridan: - You expect me to walk?

Galloway: - No Mr. Bond, I expect you to fly! Ha Ha Ha.

(Garibaldi jumps through window and shoots Galloway)

Sheridan: - Did you just see a giant Banana jumps through the window?

Ivanova: - Just run!

Galloway: - You can't escape (opens huge door releasing two 20 foot tall sheep who immediately attack Galloway) Oh shit.

Sheridan: - So much for Galloway.

Ivanova: - He'll be back. Ah hell, I forgot to kill Kipling

Garibaldi: - well go back next month, he'll still be there.

Sheridan: - Will you still be in that Banana Suit?

Garibaldi: - You glued the bloody zip, you're despicable!

(All survivors laugh)

THE END

Well that’s me done for another month, if you have any ideas for Galloway's next evil plan or insults for the businessman let me know at

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