QUESTION 1
When going to school/college what’s your worst fear for the day?
a)   Bambi
b)   Having your head pushed down the toilet.
c)   Being electrocuted by a home-made cattle prod.
d)   Actually learning something.
e)   Dinner.

QUESTION 2
What is your favorite song out of the following?
a)   Hit me baby one more time.
b)   Paranoid Android.
c)   Help!
d)   The Way I am

QUESTION 3
What kind of home security do you have?
a)   Simple lock and chain.
b)   Alarm.
c)   Guns under the bed.
d)   Large boulder booby trap
e)   Go to bed with a samurai hitman.
f)   All of the above and a cattle prod.

QUESTION 4
You receive a parcel in the post. Do you?
a)   Open it without a second thought.
b)   Shake it to see what’s inside.
c)   Examine it with stethoscope and x-ray machine.
d)   Perform an controlled explosion and see afterwards from the remains what it was.
e)   Get a small child to open it for you (from a distance)

QUESTION 5
You find yourself writing for a website. What’s your worse worry?
a)   Spellings not right.
b)   It just isn’t funny.
c)   Am I ever gonna get a cut of the ad money?
d)   Will I end up liking Soulwax like the editor?
e)   What will the ghost of Rod Hull say?

QUESTION 6
You see someone walking behind you. Do you?
a)   Take no notice.
b)   Run.
c)   Take out restricting order as soon as you get back.
d)   Go up to the person ram a gun in their face and shout “LEAVE ME ALONE!!” Like Britany did to me.

QUESTION 7
Which of these are you mostly like to dream about?
a)   Cake.
b)   Beautiful girls/guys (I’m not here to judge)
c)   Your agonising torturous death.
d)   Your future wife not making you pies.
e)   All of the above and vicious tadpoles.

QUESTION 8
You see Tony Blair on T.V. Your immediate thought is...
a)   Turn over the T.V
b)   He’s lying.
c)   To smash the T.V to bits.
d)   He’s sending me subliminal messages to kill everyone.
e)   He only raises taxes as he hates me alone.

QUESTION 9
You go to a haunted house. What’s your worst fear?
a)   No cable.
b)   No cake.
c)   Vampires.
d)   Ghosts.
e)   New labour zombies with tadpoles streaming from there heads.

QUESTION 10
You go to a fancy restaurant. And worst fear is?
a)   You won’t use the right cutlery.
b)   Spill food on your suit.
c)   The waiters spitting in your food.
d)   The waiters done something much worse in your food.
e)   No pies.
f)   All of the above and their are no pies and that Les Dennis comes over to your table and sings some song about cabbage.

QUESTION 11
Health fears?
a)   Spots.
b)   Migraines
c)   Butt cancer.
d)   Becoming a paranoid schizophrenic.
e)   Piles.

QUESTION 12
After reading this questionnaire your immediate thought is.
a)   This is great and funny.
b)   My life must be pretty bad to find myself taking time to fill in this crap.
c)   Are their subliminal messages in this? Oh and I must destroy the monarchy like The Businessman commands.
d)   By doing this I’m just feeding the evil that is this site and so making it so they continue on their insane goal.
e)   What’s that heavy breathing I hear?

And now the General Questionnaire

Are you qualified to be a Ninja?

QUESTION 1
When you sleep do you:
a)   Rest easy and think happy thoughts
b)   Dream of perfecting the art of assassination
c)   Contemplate a non-ninja method of assassination, eg explosives, poison, singing Britney spears songs
d)   You never sleep, instead you kill prominent stuff

QUESTION 2
How do you dress?
a)   Bright pastels
b)   Flowery shirts and shorts
c)   Straight jacket
d)   Ninja brand pajamas (available at all good ninja connection shops)

QUESTION 3
What is in your shed?
a)   Tools
b)   Nothing, you blew it up a long time ago
c)   A number of decapitated heads
d)   A hi-tech bunker containing the instruments of evil

QUESTION 4
What is your favorite T.V show?
a)   Care bears
b)   Xena
c)   Pokemon, for the action
d)   You have no T.V, it distracts from the aura of evil surrounding you

QUESTION 5
Who do you admire?
a)   Gandhi
b)   Stalin
c)   Dale, him off King of the Hill
d)   Darth Maul, especially his taste in Clothes and Weapons

QUESTION 6
What is your favorite food?
a)   Lentils
b)   Mini pizzas, drugged or otherwise
c)   The still beating heart of my latest victim, with a nice chianti
d)   Ninja biscuits, available from our supermarket, ninja-mart

QUESTION 7
Where do you go on holiday?
a)   Scunthorpe
b)   Sunnydale
c)   Bates motel
d)   The closet of a well known, soon to be short lived, politician

QUESTION 8
What do you worry about?
a)   World poverty
b)   Will I slip on a banana skin?
c)   Losing favor with the Martian sky pixies
d)   No shadowy corners to lurk in

QUESTION 9
What do you regret?
a)   Not recycling my drinks can in 1988
b)   Finding out I could slip on a banana skin
c)   Stalking the wrong person for two years, only when you saw him in daylight did you realise it wasn't Richard Whitely
d)   Not wearing a stain resistant outfit when I blew up a spaghetti factory during a presidential visit

QUESTION 10
How do you get into your house?
a)   Very quietly so I don't cause noise pollution
b)   The door works pretty well for me
c)   Depends whose house I choose................
d)   Slip in using parachutes or tunnels

QUESTION 11
How do you prepare for tests?
a)   Become at one with the energy of nature
b)   Ignore it and it might go away
c)   Eat as much as possible before hand, hopefully including examiners
d)   Kill as many people as possible in order to lower the grade average

QUESTION 12
What quality do you most admire?
a)   Inner peace
b)   Long legs
c)   Advanced pie making capabilities
d)   Stealth

QUESTION 13
What is your favorite film?
a)   Ferngully
b)   Full metal jacket
c)   Muppets take Manhatten
d)   Conan the Barbarian, I know its sentimental

QUESTION 14
Why would you wish to be a Ninja?
a)   I wouldn't
b)   Lurking in the girls locker room
c)   The voices tell me to
d)   It is destiny