Now listen here this test, based on hypothetical, moral and mostly real situations, determines how much of a badass you are. It has been writeen by the Businessman, General E Good and has some editorial and input form Pobice The Goblin.

QUESTION 1
What is your favorite film from the following selection:
a)   Bambi
b)   Star Wars
c)   Die Hard
d)   A Clockwork Orange
e)   An Innovative new film called "Grotesque and horrific deaths for beginners volume one."

QUESTION 2
What is your favorite drink?
a)   Babycham
b)   Pint of beer
c)   Pint of Whisky
d)   Pint of Bleach
e)   Blood with arsenic in a shattered glass with a hint of lemon and a nice umbrella.
f)   All of the above in a smashed jug, with a twist of line and a hint of Lemon Grass.

QUESTION 3
Someone busts your Nephews balloon, do you:
a)   Ignore it
b)   Buy another one
c)   Punch whoever burst the balloon
d)   Rip the lungs out if whoever burst the balloon, fill them with helium, tie em off an enjoy.

QUESTION 4
Someone insults your favorite TV program, do you:
a)   Ignore them
b)   Glare at them
c)   Smash the TV over their head
d)   Capture them, tie them up, clamp their eyelids open and force them to watch the program for months.

QUESTION 5
You need to ask a policeman for directions, do you:
a)   Ask nice and Politely
b)   Shout at him
c)   Grab him by the throat and shake an answer out of him
d)   Beat him up, tie him to a chair, douse him in petrol while dancing to "Stuck in the middle with you" and cutting of his ear with a razor, then politely ask for directions.

QUESTION 6
Do you like to eat people? (Just for old times sakes!)
a)   Yes.
b)   No.
c)   Not On Fridays.

QUESTION 7
You hear "Paint it Black" on the radio, do you:
a)   Tap your toes to the beat
b)   Dance around like Mick Jagger
c)   Paint a black picture
d)   Go crazy and cover the whole room in black paint to the beat of the music.
e)   Go outside with a hosepipe connected to a vat of black paint spraying it everywhere while shoving the hospipe down people throats and laughing as they swell up before exploding.

QUESTION 8
What’s your favorite holiday destination:
a)   Batley Park
b)   Barbados
c)   Butlins
d)   Ibiza
e)   Bearut
f)   Sierra Leone
g)   Saville town especially on Friday’s

QUESTION 9
You need some money, do you:
a)   Beg on the street like a disgusting Gippo
b)   Grovel to your bank manager like you have no shame.
c)   Fraud
d)   Armed Robbery
e)   Spend 25 years befriending the local Pirate Captain until he tells you where he has buries his treasure of Pink Bears, then kill him and all witnesses, form a treasure hunt team, find the treasure, kill of the rest of the team in inventive ways before becoming filthy rich. (or is that just me?).

QUESTION 10
If someone looks under your bed what will they find?
a)   Nothing
b)   A huge filthy pile of dirt and decomposing rodents of an indistinct nature
c)   A black monster and lots of doggy magazines
d)   A secret passageway leading to your world control centre until it is infiltrated by 007 and he blows it up .. oh yeah and a whole lotta doggy magazines.

QUESTION 11
What is your ideal pet?
a)   Goldfish
b)   Dog
c)   Python
d)   Chained Frenchman
e)   Velociraptor